Talking with your parents

Unlike most people who move away from home, you are going to have to adjust to a very different relationship with your parents.

One recent leaver said “I spoke with mine a lot because I could but very easily argued with them. When I left, I was not super honest in saying that I was never going back. My parents didn’t even want me to think about that. Make sure leavers realize that however they feel at the time, they may eventually want a good relationship with their parents and the easiest way to maintain that is to not talk about anything consequential. You don’t have to tell them everything anymore. Also, you will never justify your choices or change your parents minds​ so don’t even try. Resist the temptation to ping off angry emails to anyone back on the Hof.”

That’s good advice.  Most other leavers have soon figured out that the best thing to communicate with your parents about is non controversial stuff like the flowers and birds outside your window.  They will not be able to handle many of the things you do and the choices you make so spare them the details.

And whatever you do, don’t expect anyone there to apologize or even recognize anything they did wrong leading up to your leaving.  That kind of humility doesn’t seem to be in their toolkit.

Begin to build a new support group outside the hof made up of new friends or other leavers who know exactly what you are going through in a way no one else possibly can.

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